Wednesday, March 19, 2003

AN EMBARASSMENT OF RICHES: For those of us who are fans of negative movie reviews, Friday's releases stand before us like a Christmas tree on December 23. We know the gifts are coming; we just have to wait another day or two to open them.

Why? Because among this Friday's releases are a pair of movies from recent Academy Award winners that seem destined for critical whippings. Sometimes, just from watching the ads, or a trailer, you just know. With these two, it's a mortal lock.

In the corner to my right, hailing from A Favor She Owed Harvey Weinstein (I'm Guessing), stands Gwyneth Paltrow's View From The Top. C'mon: a "wacky" stewardess comedy from Miramax (?), one so bad that Mike Myers has had his image erased from the most recent composite print ads I've seen (Sunday's NYT), one so bad that it finished shooting back in March 2001 and has had scheduled release dates of April 19th, 2002, followed by August 16th, 2002; October 18th, 2002; and most recently, January 24th, 2003. All tell-tale signs.

(How long ago was that? Paltrow filmed The Royal Tenenbaums after View From The Top.)

If this movie doesn't suck, then I just don't know what suck is anymore.

In the opposing corner stands a young man who made his film debut as The Kid On The Barber's Chair in Coming To America: Cuba Gooding, Jr., whose Boat Trip leaves port on Friday. Yeah, okay, sure: Gooding as a straight guy who "accidentally" ends up on a gay cruise, where mishaps, misunderstandings and adventures take place? This movie sets off more red flags than a fifteen-car pileup in a NASCAR event, and, wouldn't you know it, gay groups are already up in arms.

(Also, this movie wrapped production back in July 2001. Just saying, is all.)

Perhaps only Kevin Spacey has tarnished his Oscar as much as Gooding has in the six years since his win in Jerry Maguire. The evidence on Cuba, and, no, I haven't skipped anything:
What Dreams May Come (1998) (co-starring Oscar winner Robin Williams)
Instinct (1999) (co-starring Oscar winner Anthony Hopkins)
Chill Factor (1999)
A Murder of Crows (1999) (straight to video)
Men of Honor (2000) (co-starring Oscar winner Robert DeNiro)
Pearl Harbor (2001) (co-starring Oscar winners Jon Voight (acting) and Ben Affleck (screenwriting))
Rat Race (2001) (co-starring Oscar winner Whoopi Goldberg)
In The Shadows (2001) (straight to video)
Snow Dogs (2002) (co-starring Oscar winner James Coburn)
Boat Trip (2003)

Even Mira Sorvino has done better than that.

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