This week's pair of appearances on The Tonight Show sealed the Fab Five's fate. The boys played with Jay's casual homophobia and made an even greater cartoon out of themselves, over-zhoozhing themselves in an unfortunate spectacle of camp and attention-seeking. Carson in particular (shockers!) looked to be auditioning for a gig in the top-left corner of "Hollywood Squares" with his over-the-top flamboyant stereotype-conforming queen routine.
I asked Jen at dinner last night what the last time was that a television phenomenon was so extravagantly overexposed in such a short period, and she had an immediate answer: The Osbournes.
And we all know what happened there: what started off as a cute, surprising show rapidly disintegrated from overexposure, as the performers started playing into their defined on-screen roles rather than act spontaneously. Those around them knew they were on a "wacky tv show" and conformed their behavior as well. It all started to suck, and quickly.
Look for the same to happen here, because unless there are dramatic changes (going to other cities where people have to improve their lives via non-fabulous stores; giving the adorable-but-useless Jai something to do) this show's going to get awfully repetitive awfully quickly. How many horizontal stripes can Thom paint in a man's apartment? How many expensive black shoes can Carson buy? How many guys can learn from Kyan to shave with the grain, not against it? As a friend noted, it's like seeing Iron Chef Kenichi whip out his special bean paste one more time . . . after a while, there's nothing special at all to it.
So QESG is going to burn itself out in a "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"-esque blaze of glory, only without Regis' fashion sense. What, other than a likely appearance on The Smoking Gun (prediction: Thom, public lewdness), is next for the Fab Five?
First off, assume a book deal. Queer Eye's Guide For The Fabulous Life ought to come out in time for the holidays. If the deal isn't signed yet, I'm shocked. As for their individual paths over the next year:
Carson: "Hollywood Squares" and a slot on the Joan/Melissa Rivers pre-Oscar show. He's bought himself a slot as America's Favorite Bitchy Queen for the next three years.
Ted: Cookbook deal, regular appearances on a morning tv show. Keeps his day job.
Thom: Higher rates for his private design firm. Not outgoing enough to get a regular tv gig.
Kyan: Gets to work on movie sets, do private makeup sessions with actors. May get tv ad work for a shaving company giving grooming tips while pushing the Mach 5 blade. Disappears off face of earth in a year.
Jai: Back on Broadway, playing "Angel" in Rent. Again.
Look: the nature of the show is such that its charms were bound to burn out quickly -- there's only so much the same five guys can do every week in the same city. It just didn't have to be this quickly, and it didn't have to involve Jay Leno, a man who does to hipness and innovation what Sherman did to Georgia.
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