Wednesday, October 8, 2003

THIS POST CERTIFIED SERIOUS-POLITICS FREE: Well, almost. We Californians have a new governor-elect, and thankfully -- whether you like him or not -- he got more votes than "no," thus avoiding many of the direct-antidemocracy conundrums about which we were worried.

But this post is not about the above-the-line candidates -- career politicians, pundits, activists, or ex-bodybuilders running to win the race or shape the debate. This post is about the nutjobs, has-beens, delusional septuagenarians, and occasional cute software designers vying for Californians' love and affection, and the results are in:
7. Larry Flynt (15,155)
8. Gary Coleman (12,549)
10. Mary "Mary Carey" Cook (9,855)
16. Gallagher (4,784)
28. Angelyne (2,244)
34. Georgy Russell (1,926)

What can we learn from this? First, "Gary Coleman seriously needs a job" is actually a moderately effective platform. Look for the major parties to do some polling on it before the next general election. Second, Californians were about a third more interested in sending a not-particularly-attractive woman back to having sex for money than they were in sending a really-not-attractive man back to paying people for having sex for money. Third (and I realize he dropped out of the race but then again so did Huffington and Ueberroth), if Bill Simon can't beat the aforementioned trio of pornographers and layabouts, maybe it's time for him to rethink his political career. Fourth, the next time California sees Angelyne (who predates her breasts by approximately 40 years) -- stumping, on a billboard, idling her car near my house -- it will be too soon. And finally, best wishes for the earnest but oddball Georgy, who pioneered such campaign tactics as the sale (but not display) of branded thongs and getting assaulted by Arnold supporters.

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