Monday, July 11, 2005

MAYBE SHE SHOULD ASK JADAKISS: The San Francisco Chronicle's Neva Chonin has some questions. Here's four of the 17:
3) Aliens: Why always naked? Ever noticed how old-school humanoid aliens always arrived decked out in ornamental finery (and speaking English), while the little guys with the big eyes (a la "Close Encounters of the Third Kind"), or those ambulatory phalluses with teeth (see "Alien"), or those insectile brainiacs ("War of the Worlds") have seemingly evolved beyond clothing? Did it bother the kids in "E.T." that their extraterrestrial pal had neither trousers nor genitals? WHAT IS STEVEN SPIELBERG UP TO? For that matter, how do these aliens excrete? They have mouths, so why nothing at the other end? Has anyone ever seen alien buttocks?

4) What's the story behind the Seventh Dwarf? At the end of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs," Snow White kisses six dwarfs goodbye. Does anyone know which dwarf was left out, and why? Was impropriety involved? Did Snow White have a torrid affair with Grumpy before ditching him for a prince? WHAT WAS WALT DISNEY UP TO?

5) Lord Ganesha's elephant head: What's up with that? Was this the best Shiva and Parvati could do? Wasn't it too big for his body? And how many arms, really? Did he ever have to attend a public school and explain his appearance, or was he homeschooled?

8) Zombies: Why so fun? Everyone loves the living dead. What's the draw? What's your favorite zombie flick? Do you like your animated corpses slow and shuffling (in the George Romero tradition) or quick 'n' deadly, like sharp- toothed bunnies (as in "28 Days Later")?

Your answers are welcome.

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