Thursday, June 26, 2008

SO I THINK I CAN'T TELL WHO CAN DANCE: Every Wednesday (what's today? I'll go with Thursday), I show up at the office ready to get excited about a KCosmo SYTYCD post, and every Wednesday I find out that KCos is off in Malawi arbitraging betel rinds or in the countryside taking the dust-covers off of the sofas at the ancestral summer manse. My temporary SYTYCD duty is starting to feel like a recess appointment for which, as I mention every week, I'm not qualified.

They shifted around a lot of the call sheet this week but it didn't make a bit of difference. Let's do this in tiers:

They both are correct in thinking that they can dance: Twitch and Kherington; Joshua and Katee. I'm not a rhumba fan, I guess, and at some point someone needs to explain to Katee that "smoldering" doesn't mean "smile like you just won the giant cuddly frog at the fair," but I was pretty sure that by wearing revealing clothing and failing to fall down, J/K were going to get a hot tamale pass. As for T/K, whenever I watch either one, I can't look away, and I have to rewind to watch the other. It's the damndest thing -- I don't really even like to watch dancing, and yet I find them mesmerising.

Okay, they both kind of can dance, but yawn: Mark and Chelsie, Matt and (I want to say) Kourtni? Did I get that right? The jidges loved M/C. I thought it looked like a high school play. Plus, given Chelsie's terror at learning she had to fake sexual tension with Mark last week, I winced when he put his hand on her boobs. They're just being mean to the Mormon teen. Meanwhile, M/K -- eh. She's tall and should seem tall (he actually does a great job of this, I think), but she seems intent on diminishing herself. He seems good but dull.

One can dance; the other has self-doubt: Will and One Dimple; Gev and Courtney. I didn't think Jessica was bad; it was just that she kept hesitating and then catching up, like a badly-spliced student film. And she's so muscular -- I keep waiting for her to lift Will, which would be something to see. Still, I like her a lot more than I think the jidges do. Meanwhile, the jidges keep praising Gev for not royally screwing up, but it just looks to me like Courtney is so much stronger than him (not just as a dancer, but physically) and is really carrying the team. When she slid down his leg from his shoulders, she did a great job adjusting for his shaking. And I'll bet that if and when they draw hip hop, because of her NBA dance background she'll have no trouble keeping up.

Sometimes they can dance, but not at the same time: Chelsea and Thayne, Comfort and Chris. I don't have anything really bad to say about C/T, but they just don't seem as good as the teams above. Actually, I have one bad thing to say about Thayne. It's not his fault, but his smile is like the cartoon smile of somebody who stands too close to exploding dynamite, right before all of the teeth fall out with a tinkly noise. Last (and least), C/C. I actually think Comfort has been good every week (though I like her more than I like her dancing). Chris may be good but he is annoying and I want him to go home.

If I were making tiers, it would be the first group above, then the next two, and then the last one. So my guess is that Chelsea and Chris go home, which is a bit of a shame because, frankly, I think all of the women left are better than maybe three or four of the guys.

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