TWENTY-TWO YEARS LATER, CHARLIE BROWN MARRIED THAT LITTLE RED-HEADED GIRL AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY JUST OUTSIDE SANTA ROSA, CALIFORNIA WHERE HE COACHES -- OF ALL THINGS -- POP WARNER FOOTBALL: In an ending even more stupid and pointless than Matthew Modine in Birdy, Lynn Johnston has finally brought For Better or For Worse to an end. For me, this marks the departure of a houseguest who had long overstay her welcome. The San Francisco Chronicle adopted FBOFW pretty early on and for more than twenty five years, with only a very few exceptions, I caught every panel of this strip the day it was published. It was, originally, a brilliant strip. Subtle, witty, sweet, and occasionally poignant.
And yet, in the last few years, it had begun to read like a fanfic version of itself and, occasionally like a Monty Haul session of Dungeons and Dragons: it was not enough that Michael Patterson struggled as a professional writer and an editor -- a seemingly rich vein for stories -- but he did battle with an evil editor, saved the magazine, and went on to write important literature that was accepted within moments. It was not enough that John and Elly Patterson wanted to downscale, but that through the magic of -- what, the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms? -- that Michael and Deanna could scoop up the old homestead. Deanna wasn't just a decent seamstress, but Vera-f'ing-Wang. It wasn't enough that Gord had a nice business, it had to become the greatest business in all of Middleborough. Elly's shop wasn't just a nice little side business, but a crucial part of the town. April's band, of course, endured -- as all high school bands do, of course. Mira Sobenski did not just disagree with Elly about things, but was a hideous troll out to ruin the charmed life of the Patterson clan. And always, without the slightest work other than waiting for Divine Providence as revealed through Elly Patterson.
But with the final strip, the joke is complete. Not a gentle end to a perfect strip hinting and more to come, or a strip with a dignified goodbye, but of a fetid claw reaching out and demanding acceptance of some fixed future for once-decent characters, extending well into the 2020s from the Deanna and the kids panel. Johnston's writing had long since descended into hideousness, so it was -- I understand -- impossible for her to trust the readers on anything. And we are left with this: that everything worked out more than perfectly for anyone who ever found favor with the Patterson clan.
At least we were spared the denouement that -- no doubt -- Lynn Johnston had in her head: Warren killed in a helicopter crash; Paul Wright cheating on his newly pregnant wife; a diabetic Mira Sobinski blind and with an amputated leg; Jim suffering yet another catastrophic trauma without the sweet relief of death.
I'm glad this thing is over. At last.
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